Panadol and whisky

Defeat. Humiliation. Embarassment. Last of the HuRTS Boys. Chicked. Beaten by Young Timmy. Where to from here? Well, as Yazz famously said, the only way is up.

Rocked up to register and was given number 13. I had an inkling at that stage that things may not fare well for me. Met up with Wildman, Durante, Young Timmy and Enda with everyone looking a bit nervous, not least because we'd all taken our tops off. I started trying to make Stevie nervous by telling him that the double knots in his laces would cost him 2 seconds in transition and that he should go to a single bow like me. Enda told us we were both amateurs and that we should have elastic laces like him. We told him he was gay.

So we set off and I hang back a bit trying not to go lactic up the hill then push ahead to the front next to Stevie feeling good and, what do you know, my lace comes undone. Stop at Mrs Macs Chair to do it up and everyone comes streaming past. Do it up then start trying to chase people, overtaking a heavily gasping Timmy first of all. Run past Kanser and Tucks spectating who abuse me for letting a half fit Durante and Enda be in front. Catch Durante and Enda by the hill before the Freeway bridge and, what do you know, the lace comes undone again. So stop and do it up at the turn, giving them another 10 seconds. Still feeling good so start chasing them again. Run past Kanser and Tucks at the point where I happen to be the same distance behind Enda and Durante as I was first time I passed them. Then my other shoelace comes undone. I think, f**k this, the thing can come off for all I care now. Running angry I catch Durante and Enda just before the end to get to the pool in second place, with Stevie now about 40s in front. Despite only have one shoelace to undo, I still manage to transition slower than Enda and Durante, probably because I stood on the edge of the pool thinking how the hell am I going to manage this. Managed about 30m of freestyle before reverting the breaststroke. Blokes are flying past me at this stage, but not Timmy yet. Reach the final length and see Timmy 10m behind me. Make a half arsed attempt at freestyle to hold him off but in truth it was about 3 strokes, then give up. Then Greta comes past on the inside with 5m to go. I pull myself out of the pool a shattered man and just stand there waiting for the ribbing to begin.

Lovely few beers in the Wolloommoolloo Bay Hotel after, telling stories and cracking jokes. I thought Wildman was coming out to play for a moment when Stevie made an inappropriate remark about the organiser having sex with an old lady just as the room fell silent, but he soon disappeared after getting a phone call from the wife. Timmy was beaming like a Cheshire cat all night. Tucks had one for the road 5 times. Kanser's changed. Talking about bikes and stuff. Not cool. Enda told us he could have been a contender if Ireland had swimming pools. Durante told us Tiger was a pretender and that he could beat him over every distance from 800m to the marathon. Greta was lovely, couldn't have been beaten by a nicer lady.

Check out Timmy's blog for the photos. Might have to start calling him Tummy.

Results:

Stevie/Wildman: 18:08 (2nd)
Enda: 18:20 (4th)
Durante: 18:28 (5th)
Young Timmy: 19:43 (7th)
Greta: 19:47 (8th)
Me: 19:48 (9th)